HEY! That's not chocolate!
by El loco uno
Summary: What do you get when you mix a crazy author, two less than normal girls and the Harry Potter cast and boil for 15 minutes? This...Hey! That's not chocolate! Including more annoyance of Snape! R&R I suc at sumeries
1. Enter the Annoyance

Hey Guys, now this is only my second HP fic, and the first is a illogical comedy which I will update ASAP, but I just now got a brain storm…If this turns Mary-Sue, it will most likely either be corrected or be discontinued…So I need your input!  
  
Snape: I can't believe that you are actually writing this monstrosity.  
  
Oh shut up Sev! grins And say the disclaimer if you will…Oh yes, all last names have been changed for security  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Snape: Very fortunately, Tara does not own Harry Potter, or any thing else you might of seen or heard from other books/movies/TV series/ect. If you attempt to sue her, she will sick a very pissed-off Dark Lord called Voldemort on you  
  
Thanks you Sev, now roll the film!

* * *

* * *

"Where is he Tara?" Sheree asked, looking around the crowded airport "He is SUPPOSED to meet us here"  
  
"How the hell should I know? Tara sighed, also looking around. They were supposed to meet a relative of theirs; Severus S. Snape "I wish we had just tooken the Knight Bus like Mom said, but NOOO, you wanted to taken a plane. Now were in a building full of muggles, can't find our ride, and stuck in the middle of London!"  
  
Sheree looked at the picture of this relative: He looked like a vampire, one with a crooked nose, jet black hair, and rather scrawny. "I can't believe we're related to this guy…"  
  
"Well, technically we aren't, just by marriage, but oh well…We've still yet to find him…He must be in here somewhere"  
  
"Is that him?" Sheree asked looking over at the Customer Service Desk at a man in black robes, who was obviously a wizard  
  
"I think it is" Tara grinned as she started pushing her trolley over to the man in question  
  
"Wait up Tara!"  
  
"Excuse me, Are you Severus Snape?" Tara asked, tapping the man in the shoulder   
  
"Yes, I am" Snape asked, looking at the two girls. "I have been standing here, waiting for you two for the past half hour"  
  
"Well, I'm sorry that we have walking around looking for you" Tara said hotly  
  
Tara was wearing a black tank-top that reads 'I don't give a f what you think so shut up' and worn out camo army pants with combat boots and her hair was braided to finish the look, and Sheree was wearing a red skort with white flowers on it and a red sleeveless T-shirt and her short dirty blonde hair was down.  
  
"Whatever the case, we must be getting to the Leaky Cauldron"  
  
"Leaky Cauldron? Strange name for a house…Oh well" Sheree said, as they walked down the street towards this Leaky Cauldron  
  
"Why would anyone want a leaky cauldron? I mean, wouldn't it be dangerous? I mean wouldn't there be a danger of potions leaking into the fire and causing an explosion?" Tara asked, mock-worried, though she knew very well that it was in fact the entrance to Diagon Alley.  
  
"It is not the name of a house…It is the entrance to Diagon Alley. Now which of you is which?" Snape sighed. They had just entered the Leaky Cauldron  
  
"I'm Tara and that girl is Mary Sheree" Tara grinned as she glanced around the crowded room  
  
"Hey! How many times must I tell you? I don't go by Mary Sheree…Just Sheree!" Sheree said, punching Tara on the shoulder  
  
"Well, it's better than 'bug' right? Bug?"  
  
"Oh just shut up"  
  
"Make me"  
  
"Make me make you."  
  
"Make me make you make me"  
  
"Make me make you make me make you"  
  
"Make me make you make me make you make me infinity"  
  
"Infinity times 2!"  
  
"Oh just shut up."  
  
"No" Sheree growled, getting agitated  
  
"Brat"  
  
"Prep"  
  
"Child"  
  
"Bitch"  
  
"Oh you did not just call me a bitch"  
  
"Oh I just did"  
  
"Both of you, I expect you to act your age while you are in England, and at Hogwarts Or suffer my displeasure" Snape growled, eyeing the two girls "Is that understood?"  
  
"Yes sir" Sheree grinned, doing a mock-salute.  
  
"Yeah, right, yep…Gotcha" Tara said, leaning back on a chair  
  
"This is going to be a long year" Snape sighed, muttering under his breath.

* * *

* * *

Snape: I dread this story..  
  
Tara: I think it's funny  
  
Snape: Only you would.  
  
Tara: Sheree likes it too…Sheree wanted to know if Lupin is gonna be in it  
  
Snape:…Tara, you and your younger sibling are both enigmas  
  
Tara: I know, it's great isn't it?  
  
Snape: No.  
  
Tara: R&R please…no flames…flames will be used to catch Wormtail on fire


	2. Draco aka Sexy Beast

A/N- Oh yes, a short note, Sirius black is still alive in my story cuz he's cool  
  
Tara: Right-o…Lets get going Sev!  
  
Snape: --yawning-- It is 4 o'clock in the morning Tara…What on earth possessed you to get up this early?  
  
Tara: Voldemort.  
  
Snape: 00 shakes Tara Voldemort!! Quit possessing Tara!!  
  
Tara: Chill Sevvie, I was just kidding!! I'm not possessed!  
  
Snape: --sitting back down-- I knew that. I just wanted to shake you, that's all.  
  
Tara: Right, well, read the disclaimer please  
  
Disclaimer  
  
Snape: Tara doesn't own Harry Potter or anything else you recognize. If you attempt to sue her, Tara will sick a Dark Lord called Fluffy aka Voldemort on you. Thank You for Your Time and Attention.  
  
--that catchy little Carmike Cinemas tune plays--  
  
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"Sup? I'm Tara and that chica is Mary Sheree, but she prefers to be called Sheree" Tara grinned as she shook the hands of several people. Tara, Sheree, and Snape were in the front hall of #12 Grimwauld Place, the house that they would be staying in until the term started, because Snape had to get to Hogwarts to ready his lesson plans  
  
Tara was now wearing her red Cardinals T-Shirt and some navy blue pajama pants only because she was too lazy to get dressed that morning. Sheree was wearing a really cute navy blue jumper with lime green trimming and a green shirt under it.  
  
"Whoa, I'd never guess that they were related to Snape" Ron said to Harry under his breath "That Tara-girl is acting nothing like him and the other one hasn't even spoken yet"  
  
"I know, Ron" Harry whispered in reply  
  
Mrs. Weasley spoke up "Well, breakfast is going to get cold if we don't go eat it" She then swept everybody, except Snape, into the kitchen, as Snape had to go to Hogwarts.  
  
"Ohhh Food!!" Tara grinned as she sat down in the nearest seat, which just happened to be by Sirius  
  
"My thoughts exactly" Sirius agreed, grabbing a pancake and some maple syrup  
  
"I'm hungry" Tara grinned as she dived into some scrambled eggs  
  
"I agree"  
  
"It's good that we agree on something. Food is good" Tara said as she finished her breakfast. "Well, I'm done."  
  
Tara and Sheree have been at Grimwauld Place for a week, which means that it is now time for them to board the Hogwarts Express. That is where they are. Sheree is slightly unsure about running full speed at a wall.  
  
"But what if I crash?" Sheree looked over at where Tara had been five seconds earlier…Tara had just run through the wall…Sheree soon followed after.  
  
"So…Where are we sitting?" Sheree asked once they were on the train  
  
"Lets go find Harry, Hermione, and Ron"  
  
And off they went, peeking in each compartment…Soon, as fate would have it, they peeked into Draco Malfoy's compartment  
  
"Ohhh, Sheree, wouldn'tcha look at that sexy beast!?" Tara grinned at Draco  
  
"And who are you? I haven't seen either of you before" Draco asked, looking the girls up and down  
  
"I'm Tara and she's Sheree…We're transfers from the U.S."  
  
"Oh, is that true? Well, what years are you in?"  
  
"I'm in 6th and she in 3rd. Now if you don't mind, we've got people to find" Tara said as she started checking compartments again, Sheree followed and Draco went back to his compartment  
  
Finally the girls had found their friends.  
  
"Guys," Tara said, sitting in the seat by Harry, and leaving Sheree on the floor "tell me who that blonde guy is…The one with his hair slicked back. He's fine."  
  
"That's Draco Malfoy" Ron exclaimed "How could you like him?"  
  
"Are you kidding Ron? ALL the girls at Newark would kill to meet him" Tara practically yelled  
  
"His father is Lucius Malfoy…A supporter or You-Know-Who" Hermione explained "He is rude and hates all Gryffindors and thinks that he's superior to everybody…He's also a whiner"  
  
"Ahh, I get it now…Ok" Tara grinned "What else can we change the subject too?"  
  
"What about that Mr. Snap dude?" Sheree asked  
  
"Bug, firstly it's Snape, not Snap…Secondly, why would we wanna talk about him?" Tara looked at Sheree  
  
"Well, we could do to him like you and 'Tasha did to Mr. P-Bear"  
  
"You mean I could try to piss him off all year?" Tara grinned "That sounds like fun"  
  
"Yay! So what ideas do you have?"  
  
"Whoa, Wait a minute…You mean like annoy Snape all year? He'll tear you limb from limb!" Harry looked astounded  
  
"Well, this is our first and possibly only time in Europe, Hogwarts to be exact…And we should have some fun…You guys will give me and Sheree tasks, which we will complete…Now first we should establish a reason…Is it just to annoy him or should I pretend to be madly in love or what?" Tara looked around  
  
"Well, even though it's completely sick and disgusting, you should be madly in love" Ron said  
  
"Madly in love it is!" Tara said, clapping "Now, what is my first task? I'll do it tonight at the feast"  
  
They all thought for a while, until… "She thinks my tractor's sexy! It really turns her on! She's always staring at me, as I'm chugging along!" Tara started singing a muggle country song "That's it, I'll tell him I think his tractor's sexy!!"  
  
The trio looked around at Tara, taken aback by her sudden outburst  
  
"That's-uh-unorthodox but sounds funny, do it tonight right after your sorted" Hermione grinned, knowing about the song she sang  
  
"Uh, Tara, what's a tractor?" Ron said, looking thoroughly confused  
  
"A tractor is a really big lawnmower, except they're awesomer…I'm a fan of John Deeres…They are John Deere green, and are absolutely awesome." Tara explained "I've got a picture of one in my suitcase."  
  
And so the conversation continued, and after the conversation swerved several times, which went from an idea of Tara slapping Snape's butt to quidditch to silence, to which Tara started singing some John Prine, namely "Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian". And finally the train pulled into the station, and they got off, Tara and Sheree following Hagird with the first years, and Harry, Hermione, and Ron getting in the Threstral drawn carriages.  
  
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Tara: Ok, first I want to clear up a few things…Number one, Mr. P-Bear is the nickname for my 8th grade Pre-Algebra teacher, and I tried for a whole semester to annoy him…never worked…but I acted like an idiot anyways…Nextly when Sheree called Snape Mr. Snap dude, it was referring to an error in HP:PoA (its been corrected though) where it was typed as Professor Snap, and they forgot the 'E'…'Tasha is my best friend…The song "She thinks my Tractor's sexy" is a country song…I can't remember who sang it though…And lastly, I'm a big John Prine fan (John Prine forever!!) and "Let's talk dirty in Hawaiian" is one of my fave songs by him…So yeah…  
  
Snape: Clear up a few things? I think you explained the whole chapter!  
  
Tara: Oh well…R&R please!! I live on reviews, Dr. Pepper, and flavored water…feed me!!!! Don't let me die!! Flames kill  
  
R&R PLZ 


	3. The Sorting

A/N-Mine and Sheree's last names have been changed.  
  
Tara: Yay, I get to be sorted!!  
  
Snape: Glorious…  
  
Tara: I know!!  
  
Disclaimer: Snape: If Tara owned Harry Potter, I would be the main character, Harry Potter would be dead, I would have the DADA job (no you wouldn't!) You're no fun…anyways, and all characters Tara hates would not exist.  
  
Tara: That'll do I guess --is busy trying to ward lawyers away by shooting Altoids at them with a rubber band-- Roll the film Sev!!  
  
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"Spane, Jessica"  
  
"GRYFFINDOR"  
  
The last first year ran down to the Gryffindor table, which left Tara and Sheree all alone in the middle of the Great Hall, Sheree was fidgetting, and Tara was -uh- flipping off anyone who stared.  
  
"Will Miss Hackworth please come up to be sorted?" Dumbledore said, after explaining to the rest of Hogwarts about the transfers.  
  
Neither of the girls moved "Uh, which us do you mean?" Tara asked  
  
"Ah, excuse me, I meant Miss Sheree." Dumbledore clarified  
  
"Well, bug, you're up." Tara grinned, pushing Sheree up the stairs  
  
All was silent for a bit, then…GRYFFINDOR!!! Sheree grinned, then ran down to the Gryffie table, and sat by the trio, as Tara walked, very dignified up to the hat.  
  
"Ah, interesting…you show cunning and bravery, traits of rival houses…GRYFFINDOR" the hat whispered in Tara's ear. But Tara was only half listening as she prepped herself for the first task.  
  
As soon as she stood up, Tara grinned, and strided over to Proffesir Snape's chair, and in her best British accent, did the task.  
  
"Proffesor, I must tell you something…" Tara started loud enough for the whole school to hear "I think your tractor's sexy!!"   
  
Tara quickly hugged him, turned around, grinned, waved, and took a bow. Then Tara turned, bowed for the teachers, and ran down to sit by Sheree, who was laughing her head off.  
  
After the laugher had died down, Dumbledore stood up, ready to make a speech.  
  
"Well Severus, I believe that you may have an admirer" Dumbledore began, and Snape just glared at everybody "Anyway, Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Welcome back old hands, and welcome to new! I'm pleased to have Professor Lupin back as the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Now, there is a time for speeches, but this is not it…Eat Up!"  
  
And with that, the tables filled up with food. Tara looked around, and quickly filled her plate up with pasta, but froze, whispered something in Sheree's ear who passed it on down the table to Harry, Hermione, and Ron, who all grinned and nodded. Tara stood up in her seat, made a motion for silence, and raised her goblet up in the air.  
  
"I wish to make a toast" Tara began "To Professor Snape and his sexy tractor!"  
  
There was a loud chorus of agreement from the other sixth year Gryffies as they had all been clued in on the reasoning of Tara's antics…soon all the students put in their agreements, and the Headmaster even raised his goblet.  
  
Dinner progressed without much more disturbance, other than Tara's usual jokes, and stories, which got laughter from all within a 5ft radius of her.  
  
"Alright, now that you are watered and fed, tuck in" Dumbledore said, and everyone got up to go to their respected houses.  
  
Tara and Sheree stuck with Ron and Hermione, as they were prefects. When everybody got into the Commons Room, the trio, Tara and Sheree sat down to discuss upcoming tasks and Tara's task at dinner.  
  
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It's short, but we're sorted and Sev got embarrassed…--g--  
  
Snape: Lot's of fun…Are we done yet?  
  
Are you joking, we just got sorted…we've still got the whole school year!  
  
Snape: Will you get expelled? --looks hopeful--  
  
No, We last the whole year --big g--  
  
Snape: Aw crap  
  
R&R PLZ!! 


	4. I see London I see France

Only three reviews? I'm kinda sad ? I know that more than just three people have read my ficcy! Oh well, I'm gonna answer these three reviews, and I don't remember if I've mentioned yet, but I'm getting most of these ideas to annoy Sevvie from Model Chick Stella's fic called 73 ways to annoy Snape…So, I want to commend her for coming up with these awesome (and funny) ideas!!  
  
Severus: --reads index card--Tara will now review the three reviews that she's gotten, and prays that she'll get more. There! Are you happy now?  
  
Ecstatic. Now for the reviews  
  
John-- Um I guess that's a complement…  
  
imadork32489-- More detail…Okie-dokie, I'll see what I can do --grins--  
  
hunni07-- OMG, that you are so nice! You're right about the 73 ways to annoy Snape…I'm really flattered that you think I'm such a great writer, but I'm seriously not near the top…lol, every time, about 5 five minutes after I post, I'm reading over the final product, and I find grammar mistakes, and things that I could've changed…My little sister is SUPPOSED to beta for me, but she always misses these things…oh well…  
  
Severus: Now, are when is this next disastrous chapter going to happen?  
  
Now!! Roll the film!

* * *

"Arrrrrggg…" Tara groaned as she laid down on the floor in the Great Hall, by where Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Sheree were sitting "Sleep…"  
  
"Not a morning person" Sheree explained to their new friends  
  
"Ah"  
  
"Lemme sleep" Tara said as Harry handed Tara her schedule  
  
And so this continued, Harry, 'Mione, Ron, and Sheree tried to wake Tara up, and she complained that she was sleepy…until…  
  
"Are you having fun down there?" sneered a male voice, looking down at Tara  
  
"Yeah, Lots of it" Tara said, finally opening her eyes to one Severus Snape  
  
"Then I'd hate to disturb your-ah-sleep, but I must ask you to get off the floor, as I am sure that you may be blocking many students' walking paths"  
  
"And if I refuse?" Tara partially sat up, now eye level with his knees  
  
"Then I suppose that you can be down in my office at 8 o'clock tonight for detention" he sneered and walked up towards the Head Table, robes billowing as high as they could, giving Tara a very interesting view  
  
"I see London! I see France! I see Professor Snape's underpants! Say, when was the last time you changed those?!" Tara grinned and hurriedly crawled under the table to hide.  
  
Snape stopped in his tracks, and turned around slowly, walked quickly to where Tara was hiding, and glaring daggers at the table, he struggled not to strangle Tara…Taking a deep breath, he started in on an impossible task: Getting Tara out from under the table.  
  
"Tara! Get out from under that table now!"  
  
"No"  
  
"Are you contradicting me?" His eyes flashed angrily  
  
"No"  
  
"Then get out from under the table"  
  
"Say please"  
  
"I will not take orders from students"  
  
"Then I'm not moving"  
  
"Stop acting like a child"  
  
"I'm not"  
  
"Yes, you are"  
  
"Oh leave me alone Snappey-poo"  
  
Snape froze at that "What did you call me?"  
  
"Professor Snape? Isn't that your name sir?"  
  
"Oh forget it!" With that Snape stomped out of the Great Hall  
  
Tara on the other hand, stayed under the table for the whole of breakfast incase he came back. She just ate her meal under the table.  
  
After breakfast, Sheree followed some 3rd year Gryffies to the DADA classroom, and the 6th years headed straight to Transfiguration, which was incredibly boring. It consisted of Prof. McGonagall explained how they would, at the end of their 7th year, be taking their NEWTS. She also said that these next two years would consist of classes that they would take to ready them for the career that they choose…Very boring.  
  
After that they had a free period then lunch…Lunch was an ordeal, As Tara performed another task…Very funny/  
  
---  
  
"Ahem! May I say something?" Tara stood up in her seat once lunch had began.  
  
The Gryffindor table automatically shut up.  
  
"Thank you. Now I would like to show you a dance that I want to name after our dear Professor Snape!" And with that, Tara did a dance in which she clapped twice, spun, did the splits, then jumped, and did the robot, then she spun really fast, and fell to the floor, and tried to break dance…Needless to say, to didn't work, and she just tripped and fell over. Tara immediately stood up and took a bow.  
  
"Thank you! Thank you! That is called that Snapester! Feel free to use that dance with any music!" With that, Tara sat down and returned to her lunch. Snape stomped out of the Great Hall for the second time that day, face red from either anger, embarrassment, or a mixture of both…We'll never know.  
  
"Tara! Did you see his face?!" Sheree grinned, ticking off another item on the list that they had dubbed 'Project: Annoy Snape'  
  
"Shhh! Food! Must eat. Leave me be" Tara grabbed a turkey sandwich  
  
"That was so funny!" Hermione grinned, also grabbing a turkey sandwich  
  
"I can't wait 'till detention!" Tara said, standing up  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"You'll hear about it, trust me. Now I need to go prepare" And with that, Tara stood, and left for the library to learn some charms quick. "Sheree, come on, I need your help"  
  
"Right" And with that, Sheree got up an followed Tara to the library.

* * *

Severus: Snappey-poo?  
  
Yep --grins-- Lovely ain't it?  
  
Severus: What have you got planned for detention?  
  
Not telling! Now, reviewers, I need input, should I leave this third person, change it to Tara's POV, or put it in a diary form? You can vote on that…Please, give me your input!!!!  
  
R&R PLZ!! 


	5. The Infamous Detention

Ah, a new chapter…I'm sad that I've only got one new review…ONE STINKIN' REVIEW FOR TYPING MY FINGERS TO THE BONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Severus: Three and a half pages? I've seen you write more Tara...What about Those first two…the unnaturally random ones…'One heck of a strange story' and 'Tara's first otaku sleepover'? Remember those? They both ended with at least 13 page did they not?  
  
Tara: Yeah but back then I got to drink caffineated items while typing…Now I rarely get caffeine, and I'm not allowed to drink/eat while I'm on the computer…L  
  
Severus: THAT IS NO EXCUSE FOR SLACKING!!!  
  
Tara: Whoa…do I really hear my oh so serious Sevvie getting mad because I'm not embarrassing him in a fic?  
  
Severus: Just do the disclaimer Tara…  
  
Tara: Wait just a minute here…Are you giving me orders to do the disclaimer?  
  
Severus: Precisely.  
  
Tara: Do The Disclaimer Now Severus…Or else  
  
Severus Or else what?  
  
Tara: Fine! I'll get someone else to do it…--pulls out her magical author's keyboard and types something--  
  
Sirius Black appears in the air and falls to the ground.  
  
Sirius: Owww…Where am I?  
  
Tara: I'll explain later…Siri, will you be a sweety and do the disclaimer cuz Severus is being mean and refuses to do it  
  
Sirius: Sure Tara!  
  
DISCLAIMER  
  
Sirius: Tara doesn't own Harry Potter or anything else you've seen in other TV shows or Fics. How's that?  
  
Tara: Perfect…ROLL IT!!

* * *

"Ok, Tara, now remind me again what we're doing hiding in the library, behind a bookshelf, spying on Snape? Shouldn't we be doing something more productive?" Sheree asked Tara  
  
"It's very simple, we will jump out, scream 'BOO' then run off" Tara explained again for the thousandth time. "We do it in…5...4...3...2...1...Now!!"  
  
And with that, they both ran out, grabbed Snape's shoulders, said 'BOO', gave him a hug, and a kiss on the cheek then ran off towards the Gryffindor tower, Snape hot on their heels, angry as heck.  
  
"GET BACK HERE!!!!!!!"  
  
"NO! ARE YOU CRAZY!?" Tara yelled back to Snape "Sheree, run faster!"  
  
And with that, they ran into the Tower, and continued to hide under the table in the corner until the trio came in.  
  
"What happened to you two?" Ron looked from Tara to Sheree  
  
"Our dearest Sevvie-poo decided to retaliate…" Sheree grinned, flopping over the couch, and landing on the floor, scaring a few 1st years  
  
"Ok, but what happened?" Hermione asked  
  
"It's actually pretty funny…We were in the library, minding our own business (Ron:Ha!) and then he came in looking murderous, so me and Sheree ran to ran and spy on him…then I got an idea, so we did a five count, ran out, said BOO, then hugged him, then kissed him…ON THE CHEEK GUYS… (Harry: Crazy, Absolutely mad) and we ran out…He chased us all the way to Gryffindor Tower, we ran in here, and hid under the table, then you guys came in, and Ron asked what happened then Sheree said-" Tara explained  
  
"Did he really?!" Hermione grinned  
  
"Yeah! Plus, he's fast…almost caught my robe!" Sheree laughed, watching some 2nd years play Wizard's Chess  
  
"Ok, now we must prepare for detention!" Tara grinned  
  
"Right, but right now, we have Care of Magical Creatures" Hermione said as she, Sheree, and Tara went up to their dorms to get their bags  
  
---  
  
"Ok, guys, we gotta hurry! I've got detention right after supper, and Hermione's still gotta help me with this next task" Tara said as they made their way back to Gryffindor Tower  
  
"How so?" Ron asked, looking at Tara  
  
"Well, I've already got a camera charmed to work on the grounds, but I still need to learn some spells by 8 o'clock tonight…For one thing, I need a simple illusionment charm…so I can disguise a sound recorder…You see why later. We need to get some Devil's Snare from Professor Sprout or Hagrid…Harry, Ron, you two can go do that now" Tara said as the two boys left the tower "Ok, Let's see what else we need"  
  
"Well, I know the illusionment charm…You have a sound recorder?" Hermione said  
  
"Yeah, Let's see, what else can we do?" Tara looked over the list that they had put together "Um, When we go to Hogsmead, we need to get a few items…Um No, no, Can't do that at the moment…saving that…oh well, this is enough for now…"  
  
"What do you have planned?" Sheree looked at the two other girls  
  
At this, Tara just grinned "Sheree, while I am locked away in detention with our favorite potions master, I need you two to make up the National Anthem for the country of Flip-Flop"  
  
"Yessir! I mean 'mam! Yes 'Mam, we will do that!" Sheree said in a mock salute  
  
"Yeah, that's cool…Now get writing…Hermione, how do you do that charm?"  
  
"Just say "illusion it", tap the object, and it will change to fit the surroundings" Hermione said, taking out a quill to demonstrate.  
  
"Illusion it" She tapped the feathered quill, and it disappeared, then she said "Disillusion it", tapped it twice, and it returned  
  
"Just remember where you put it" Hermione said, putting the quill back up.  
  
So the rest of the afternoon the practiced the charm, and the boys finally came back with some Devil's Snare they got from Hagrid, who had promised not to tell anyone, after Harry explained the situation  
  
"Let's see, I suppose I'm ready for detention, I've my video camera, sound recorder, Devil's Snare, wand, I know the charm…Am I missing anything?" Tara went over the list of items she needed to complete the tasks assigned to complete during detention.  
  
"Yeah, It's all there" Sheree said, looking through Tara's bag.  
  
---  
  
"Ya' know, I think he suspects something" Tara said absentmindedly "I mean, he keeps on looking over here…Pass the mashed 'taters please!"  
  
"Idea!" Sheree said, then whispered something in Tara's ear who nodded, put down her fork, and completed this task  
  
"…" Tara just sat there and smiled widely at Snape for the rest of the meal.  
  
Snape, who after the first five minutes, turned this into a staring contest of a sort...Tara won when Dumbledore broke Snape's concentration by asking him to pass the butter. Tara grinned at Snape's loss, then checked her watch. It was 7:50. Tara bid her friends good bye, who bid her good luck, and headed down to the dungeons for her fun filled detention, and going over the plan in her head, and the fumbled with her sound recorder in her hoodie pocket, and pressing the play button, after checking to make sure no one was coming, then she made the first entry.  
  
"Hey, I am Tara Hackworth (a/n, That is not my real last name) and I am on my way to detention…Hope he doesn't find this, I've got my extra sound recorder also playing, and my video camera ready for when I get out…Crap, he's coming…Tara signing out." Tara said as she put the recorder back in her hoodie   
  
"Good evening Sir" Tara grinned up at her teacher who just glared, and motioned for her to follow him into the classroom "Well, so much for the niceties…I was just trying to be nice but noooo…The meanie" Tara muttered, following him in.  
  
"Scrub. With out magic." was all he said, pointing at a pile of dirty cauldrons. "I will be in my office" And with that, he walked into his office, and slammed the door, shaking the hinges  
  
Tara looked at the cauldrons, which had some putrid smelling neon green substance in them. "Hmmm, possibilities" Tara grinned and scraped some into a plastic baggie, which she stuck in her bag. "Skurge." She said as she pointed her wand at the nearest cauldron, cleaning it instantly, and did that for a few others, then got down to her tasks. Taking out the glitter, she sprinkled some all over Snape's desk, then frowned, and just dumped the whole thing on it.  
  
"Detention task one complete; Glitter his desk" Tara said into her recorder "Next is plant the Devil's Snare."  
  
Tara walked over to a dark corner, and sat the planting pot with the Snare in it on the floor, and turned it on it's side, then ran back to her original spot at cleaning the cauldrons with out magic.  
  
"You've already cleaned 6 cauldrons in ten minutes?" Snape asked, disbelievingly "How?"  
  
"I've learned little tricks to clean faster…For example, shrub in circular motion…Like this" Tara said, demonstrating this "trick"  
  
"Well, hurry up." And with that, he returned to his office, and Tara waited five minutes, then snuck over to the office door, sat the sound recorder right inside the door, pressed play, and placed the illusionment charm on it  
  
"Detention task two complete; place recorder in office/living quarters to tape him"  
  
Tara then walked back over to the cauldrons, skurged a few more, then , right as Snape came back out, she went back to hand washing them.  
  
"You only have one left. You must be using magic. There is no way that you could have done all 20 cauldrons in 25 minutes." Snape glared at Tara, who glared back  
  
"Sir, I promise you that I'm not using magic, you can watch me do this last one if you don't believe me." Tara grinned at Snape, who summoned up a chair, and sat down to watch.  
  
---  
  
"There. Done. Finito. The End…I'm done cleaning." Tara grinned a few minutes later, and Snape stood up and glowered at Tara's job of cleaning the cauldrons, as if trying to find something wrong.  
  
"Very well. Go back to you dormitories"  
  
"Ok, Good night professor! Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!" Tara grinned and exited the class room.  
  
Then, right as she was rounding the corner, she heard someone scream "TARA HACKOWRTH GET YOUR ARSE BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"I think he found the glitter…" Tara mentally grinned as she turned and reentered the potions room  
  
"Yes sir? Did I forget something?"  
  
"What on Earth would possess you to put glitter on my desk?" Snape looked at Tara, and pointed at his desk  
  
"Wasn't me."  
  
"It was not there before you came for detention. You must have done it."  
  
"How do you know? Could you have just not noticed it? Or did you put it on your desk and now you're blaming me?!?! Is that it? Why do you hate me!??!" At the last question, Tara sat down on the floor, and started crying  
  
"Get up. I know that you put it on…Now why?" Snape said, not moving from his spot by his glittery desk  
  
"I thought you'd-sniff sniff-like it…be-be-because it's green and silver…Slytherin co-colors…WAHHHHHHH" Tara burst out in "real" tears  
  
"That is not the point…I do not want glitter on my desk…" Snape said, as Tara started crying louder "Grrr…Just get out…NOW"  
  
Tara nodded silently, stood, and exited the room quickly. As soon as she got out of the door, Tara broke into a run, and didn't stop 'till she was standing by the Great Hall.  
  
"Detention tasks complete." And with that, Tara continued to the Common Room at a fast walk.  
  
"What happened? How it go? Did you get him?" Tara was bombarded with questions by the trio and Sheree as soon as she entered the Common Room  
  
Tara answered all their questions by showing them the extra sound recorder, and also telling them exactly what happened.

* * *

Snape: You're crazy.  
  
I know, I know  
  
Sirius: But if she was sane, then she wouldn't be writing this awesome story!  
  
Severus: And that's a bad thing?  
  
Severus!! Stop being mean.  
  
Severus: What? I'm just stating the truth.  
  
Sirius and Me: Meanie!  
  
Severus: Watch it Black…--pulls out his wand--  
  
--types something on her Magical Author's Keyboard (MAK)--  
  
--Severus's wand turns into a rubber chicken which clucks, then flops off--  
  
Severus: My wand!  
  
Sirius: Ahahahaha!  
  
--Severus pounces at Sirius--  
  
--types some more--  
  
--straight jackets appear on Severus and Sirius--  
  
No fighting you two!!  
  
And to my readers and fans (Severus: Fans? HAHA) --glares-- ANYWAYS, to everyone out there in FFN land,   
  
R&R plz!!  
  
Press the blue button…It commands you! 


	6. Sunny D is AWESOME!

Ok, I'm back with more of Tara's Trip to Europe!!  
  
Severus: Yay…--blows whistle unenthusiastically --  
  
Severus, if you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all!  
  
Sirius: Yeah Snape! Play nice!  
  
Severus: You, Black, should stop acting like Tara's lapdog. You're pathetic, hiding behind Tara and her keyboard like that!  
  
SEVERUS SNAPE!!! STOP BEING SO RUDE!! YOU'RE JUST AS BAD AS HE IS!! --feverishly types something on her MAK--  
  
Severus: Hey!! --is now in Mrs. Longbottom's dress and vulture hat-- Change me back  
  
Well, Sevvie dear, it's either that or I take it all off…but I doubt that none of our readers, and Sirius of course wants to see that…as much as I do…so be content with the dress  
  
Severus: Unfair…I am a highly respected professor at Hogwarts…I will see the Headmaster about this, I assure you.  
  
Tell me Severus, do you really want to tell Dumbledore about this? I'm sure that he would be most anxious to alert the entire school of your…ah, position…  
  
Severus: Fine, I won't tell, just change me back…please?  
  
Sirius: Does my canine hearing deceive me? Did Snape just say please? To Tara none the less?  
  
Sirius, please stay out of this…Now Severus, please say the disclaimer…I'll change you back…  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Severus: Tara doesn't own anything that you recognize from anywhere else…But, lawyers, if you want please take her to the looney bin!! It won't be a loss, padded rooms fascinate her!! But DO NOT sue her, for she has a very powerful MAK…look at what she did to me! --motions to the dress-- Good enough for you Tara?  
  
Near perfection, Sevvie dear…--changes him back--  
  
--PREVIOUSLY--  
  
"What happened? How it go? Did you get him?" Tara was bombarded with questions by the trio and Sheree as soon as she entered the Common Room  
  
Tara answered all their questions by showing them the extra sound recorder, and also telling them exactly what happened.

* * *

"Morning guys" Tara grinned, sitting down at the Gryffindor table a week later, as she had decided to not do anything to Snape for a week, so he could stop being so paranoid around her, but today was the day… "I've got a full day planned for Snape guys! And lucky for you two" she nodded towards Harry and Ron "as you two are going to be major parts in the fun"  
  
"What do you mean, Tara?" Ron asked through a mouth-full of eggs  
  
"I mean you two are going to help me" Tara said, pulling out the list, and began looking over it "But first, I need some things that you guys should have"  
  
"Like what?" Harry looked at Tara uncertainly  
  
"Um, Let me think…I need an issue of the Quibbler, about 50 of those muggle party popper things, a skunk…get that from Hagrid…a dead frog, I need one of you to write a letter to owl to him, I'll explain later…I need ten apples…wait, he's coming in!"  
  
Just as Tara had said, Severus Snape had just entered the Great Hall, and was on his way to his normal seat for breakfast. Tara stood silently, grabbed a fork and walked up to Snape's chair, then bent down beside him.  
  
"Good morning, Sir" Tara said in her most serious voice "I just wanted to tell you something of grave importance"  
  
"And what, dare I ask, could be so important?" Snape sneered, picking up his goblet, and taking a drink  
  
"Sir, Last night…I had a dream…that…you died…the rabid bunnies from Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory fed you chocolate until you exploded. Sir, I think that this is a foreshadowing" Tara looked up at the potions master sadly, before taking a big bite of his biscuit "Sir, if I were you, I would be more careful"  
  
"Why are you telling me about you're childish dreams, and what on Earth possessed you to eat off of my plate?" Snape practically spat at Tara  
  
"Well, I thought you would want to know…and I was hungry." Tara looked at Snape  
  
"Then eat at your own table."  
  
"But our food isn't the same as yours"  
  
"Yes it is." Snape growled, which for most people, this was a sign to get your ass away from Snape this instant or risk being cursed into oblivion, but for Tara, this was a sign that he was starting to get annoyed.  
  
The students at the Gryffindor table were trying hard not to laugh.  
  
"But it tastes different, Sir…" Tara looked up to Snape, sighed, and took a gulp from his goblet, then ran like Hell, closely followed by Snape, and most of the student and teacher population  
  
"GET BACK HERE!!" Snape yelled after Tara, while following in close pursuit, around a corner, and right into a girl's bathroom. Tara ran into a stall and locked the door  
  
"Open that door!" Snape growled, banging on the stall door  
  
"No" Tara said loudly "And what are you doing in a ladies bathroom anyways?"  
  
"Trying to get you out of there" Snape banged even harder  
  
"No" was the simple answer  
  
"Unlock that door this instant, or detention!"  
  
"Fine with me…8 o'clock fine with you?" Tara grinned, looking over the top of the stall door  
  
"Gr…A week's worth of detention, starting tonight at 8 o'clock" and with that, Snape turned on his heel and swept out of the lavatory in a cloud of billowing robes  
  
------  
  
"That was awesome!" Sheree grinned once Tara had returned to the Gryffindor Commons Room  
  
"I can't believe you did that!" Ron said, walking over "Brilliant. Positively brilliant!"  
  
"Did you really drink from his goblet?" Harry grinned  
  
"Yeah…It tasted like orange juice…Sunny Delight most likely…Can't believe he'd like Sunny D though…" Tara said, sighing "It was good though…Would'a drank the whole thing if he hadn't started chasing me…Oh well, it can't be helped…His biscuit was good…nice, soft, and flaky…"  
  
"You really made him mad" Hermione grinned "What are you doing next?"  
  
"Well, since we've got potions right after lunch today, I've got quite a bit planned…But first, I need to get Peeves do help me…We'll do that during our free period…Now I need your help, Harry and Ron…Your time has come." The two boys in question gulped "You two must work together, and write a letter to our dearest Sevvie-poo…a love letter…say you think he's sexy, that you are deeply in love with him…be creative, but don't reveal your identity…Hermione, I'm sure, knows a charm to hide your hand writing"  
  
"Yes I do…It's very simple" Hermione said, grinning widely  
  
"Wait…wh-what do'ya mean WE will write a love letter to Snape…I mean really Tara…Why us?" Ron stuttered, standing beside an equally flustered Harry  
  
"Yes you! It's got to be from a guy so it will sound real" Tara said loudly, and she seemed to grow to about ten foot, scaring the 1st years out of the Commons Room, then she suddenly went back to normal "Now come on guys, Transfiguration starts in five minutes!"  
  
And with that the group left for their classes, the trio and Tara to Transfiguration, and Sheree went with some other 3rd years to her Double Potions class with Snape. ("Don't make him even madder Sheree!" Tara called after Sheree)  
  
------  
  
"Ok, now where's Peevesie?" Tara asked as Harry got out the Map after Tranfiguration  
  
"He's in the Trophy Room" Harry said, looking over the map  
  
"Right, I'll go…Let's see, yep, got 'em" Tara said, grabbing a small bulging bag  
  
"What's in there?" Ron asked, looking at the bag in question  
  
"Well, I thought that if I brought Peeves a present…or peace gift…he might agree to help easier" Tara explained  
  
"Ok, but what's in there?" Ron asked again  
  
"Dungbombs" Tara said shortly, as she left the room  
  
------  
  
"Peeves? Are you in here?" Tara asked, entering the Trophy Room  
  
"What does the brave little transfer want?" Peeves said, emerging from the far wall   
  
"Annoying Snapey-poo  
  
Making him follow you to the loo  
  
Covering his desk in glitter  
  
Making him throw a fitt'er"  
  
Peeves grinned at his poem, as Tara brought out a bag.  
  
"I have a proposition for you, one you can't refuse" Tara grinned "But let's not discuss it here, where prying ears may hide"  
  
With that, Tara motioned to a broom closet, as she held the door open for Peeves  
  
"Lumos" Tara's wand light up so she could see Peeves properly "Now, As you are aware, I am sure, that I and my friends are trying our hardest to piss Snape off…It's working, but it seems that we need your help with some tasks"  
  
"And if I refuse?" Peeves said, his eyes glinting in the wand light  
  
"I can tell Filch who set the Dungbombs off in the Charms Corridor if you don't want to help…" Tara said, grinning  
  
"And if I agree to help the trouble maker? What will Peevesie get in return for his troubles?"  
  
"Ah, I believe this should be a good payoff, Peevesie my dear" Tara brought the bag of Dungbombs out of her pocket  
  
"Nasty little student, breaking rules…trying to get Peeves in trouble by tempting him with Dungbombs" Peeves shook his head in mock sadness  
  
"So? Is it a deal?" Tara asked, grinning  
  
"How can Peevesie refuse? He will agree to help, and not tell anybody living or dead about nasty little rule breaking students" Peeves grinned as Tara handed him the bag, and shook his translucent as well as she could.  
  
"Terrific! I will tell you the details of your tasks to be completed when the time comes. Great doing business with you." Tara said, then turned and exited the Trophy Room, grinning happily

* * *

Severus: You drank from my goblet?  
  
Sirius: Yeah, That is rather disgusting, Snape could have back washed.  
  
Severus: I DO NOT BACK WASH!!!  
  
Sirius: How can you prove that?  
  
Guys! Please…quit arguing…Yes, I drank from Sevvie's goblet…It was Sunny D   
  
Sirius: Was it really? I would of thought that he would drink unsweetened tea or coffee  
  
Severus: It was breakfast. I NORMALLY drink coffee for breakfast, but for some reason, Dumbledore thought that I should try that infernal muggle drink  
  
But it has 100% of your daily needed amount of Vitamin C…and it tastes so good...I like Sunny D  
  
Severus: I hate it  
  
Sirius: Are you joking?! I LOVE Sunny D!  
  
I know! It's awesome!  
  
Severus: You're both crazy  
  
At least I was nice enough to return you to your robes  
  
Severus: And I thank you…But you are still crazy…both of you  
  
You're only crazy if you think you are  
  
Sirius: I agree  
  
Well, this after chapter commentary is running a bit long…so…R&R PLZ!! 


End file.
